When contemplating divorce, long before the words even come to mind, hurt and anger are likely familiar feelings associated with you and your spouse. It is no surprise that bringing up divorce is likely to cause hurt and anger in both partners. However, there are healthy ways of dealing with these feelings, of expressing them, and there are places in which anger and hurt will cause you more pain and damage mentally, possibly physically, financially, in relationships and the list goes on.
Whenever someone is considering going to court or finds him or herself in court, just like with a divorce, dissolution of marriage proceeding, paternity action or similar court actions, it is often most beneficial to use logic rather than emotion in making decisions. In fact, some say that the parties themselves to a divorce proceeding should treat it as a business decision, not an opportunity to get even or to get one’s pound of flesh. If one or both parties in a divorce are after revenge or the idea that he or she is going to get even with the other, he or she will inevitable lose as much as the other spouse. This may include money, property and the mental health of their children and themselves.
For example, consider going to a mediation and finding out that an insurance settlement check must be signed by both parties as soon as possible to repair the collateral that the bank has a lien on and interest in protecting. There is a hole in the roof and water is pouring in. One spouse, out of anger, rather not release the funds and let the house go into disrepair, potentially foreclosure and ultimate blight just so that the other spouse loses too. This type of anger toward a spouse is clearly toxic. It is toxic to one’s own financial status, the spouse’s financial status, the bank’s financial position with the house, one’s responsibility to the community to upkeep property and so on. If your lawyer is not attempting to redirect your anger, he or she may be more interested in billing you as previously written about here. So, you can imagine that leaving emotions out of mediation, as best as we possibly can, will lay the groundwork for a more productive mediation – which can normally resolve your entire case.
Anger and hurt when not expressed through counseling or other means and left to be the guiding force in a dissolution of marriage can have devastating effects on the angry person, the people around that person, including the courts, the community and loved ones who want their happy friend or family back before the divorce started. At Stewart & Riley, we encourage a reasoned approach to divorce, one that will get you from point A to point B as safely and healthy as possible.
In a dissolution of marriage or divorce proceeding, you may have children, real property or real estate, personal property, debt and other issues that come in all shapes, sizes and degrees or severity. Hire a professional to help you minimize the stress of these complicated issues and who may be able to offer you a flat fee divorce solution like we do here. #BetterCallBrendan